Ask The LAMB #7

by Jason Soto · September 28, 2012 · Ask The LAMB · No Comments

9 out of 10 doctors recommend reading Ask The LAMB every other week. The 10th doctor? Screw him, man!

This week’s guest contributor is our very own shepard, Joel Burman!

Yahoo! User # 14 Asks:
Why do they make awful sequels to movies?
Mean Girls 2?? Legally Blonde 2?? Seriously?

YAHOO! User #14

Its mainly because sequels are considered more bankable than most original films that aren’t sequels or prequels. One of the strongest points for that argument is that the film already is branded. Most consumers (cinema visitors/dvd buyers etc.) knows what they are getting and the marketing department can work from a POV where the film already is branded.

However, you also question why they do awful sequels and not good ones I assume? I can’t relate to Mean Girls since I haven’t seen neither of those but I have seen Legally Blonde and its awful sequel. The first film was a pretty good entry in the chick lit film sub-genre. However, as I understood it Legally Blonde 2 more or less came about because the first one was a hit and my guess is that they rushed a sequel hence not making a very good film. Thats almost a rule when it comes to franchise development of today. Speaking of crappy sequels, few know that there’s actually a Legally Blondes 3 that looks completely awful in comparison with the second one.

User #14: I hate to answer a question with a question, but I must: how do you know these are awful sequels?  Oh, that’s right, because you saw them.  See, there’s your issue.  The real answer to your question lies within your question: it’s about money (of course) and you, having seen these (obviously – after all, I have no opinion on the ones you mentioned) are part of the problem and not the solution.  It’s fairly simple, really.

#14: Let’s take a look at that question in-depth.  Why don’t we first ask why they make sequels to begin with?  The simple answer is to continue a story from the first movie where questions remain to be answered and we want to see how the characters have developed and matured.  The other simple answer is they want to make money from some poor simpletons who just want to see the same characters in something else.  Regarding the movies you mentioned, we as a species could have survived without a MEAN GIRLS or a LEGALLY BLONDE to begin with.  A sequel to either of these is just superfluous because the producers just want more money – period.  That’s all any sequel is made for nowadays.  They don’t have to be good, they don’t have to have a reason for being, and in the case of THE STING II and JAWS III, they don’t even need to have the same cast!  So to answer your question: bad sequels are made because of greed.  End of story.

Yahoo! User # 15 Asks:
In hollywood film the sex scene are true? I just want to know reality. Becoz in some movie stars are totly nud?
I sum movie they get nude totaly. And sum sex scene .i just want to know what they r real or not?

YAHOO! User #15

I’d say that nudity in many cases is real, especially when it comes to independent stuff. As I understand it the use of Body Doubles isn’t as common as it used to be in the 80’s (make sure to check out the brilliant Body Double to learn more about that phenomen). When it comes to genuine sex scenes there are some cases where thats the case. Brown Bunny, Ken Park, I’m Curious Yellow etc. However, I’d probably recommend that you check out some porn rather than those alternative/high brow kind of films since most of them only has the sex scenes to provoke a reaction or as part of their marketing scheme.

To sum it up most nudity is probably real while the sex scenes in mainstream films is fake.

This isn’t an easy question to answer.  Technically, there are SOME sex scenes in “Hollywood” movies that are real.  But that has a lot to do with your definition of Hollywood and a little bit to do with your definition of Sex.

Lars von Trier’s Antichrist featured actual vaginal intercourse, but the people doing it were stunt doubles and not Willem Dafoe and Charlotte Gainsbourg.  The only reason anybody has ever heard of The Brown Bunny is because Chloë Sevigny gives Vincent Gallo a bj.  You can look up “unsimulated sex” on Wikipedia to see more examples, but here’s the gist:  It happens mostly in art house movies, it happens more frequently in European movies, and it happened a lot more in the 70’s.

For the most part, sex scenes in movies are as fake as non-sex scenes.  Lots of takes, multiple camera angles, and fake sweat make it look sort of convincing.  Notice how you never see any genitals during a sex scene?  That’s because all the fun bits are covered.  Of course, you can’t see that they’re covered, because otherwise you’d know it was fake and the voyeuristic magic would be gone.  The major difference between sex scenes and other scenes is that sex scenes are generally filmed with the minimum amount of crew necessary to film the scene.  This is because the filmmaker’s don’t want some film school intern to sneak his iPhone on set and sell pictures of (insert name of female starlet guys supposedly give a shit about)’s ass to TMZ.

I typically don’t watch a lot of Hollywood movies because Hollywood cares about making “money” and the movies I watch don’t really care about making money. But I have been to Hollywood, U.S.A a couple of times and I’ll tell you the studio I visited, Vivid Studios, TOTALLY was into real sex. I couldn’t tell you what the movie was about, something about a plumber who didn’t believe the woman was of legal age, but clearly she was cause don’t you have to be over 18 to shop at Victoria’s Secret? Anyway, the sex was indeed real and the actors were totally into their roles. I BELIEVED he was a plumber, you know?

What was the question?

Yahoo! User # 16 Asks:
Plz tell me list of english movies through which i can improve my english speaking power.?

Dear Yahoo! User #16,

Looking to add +3 to your English-speaking powers? Watch these movies to see how all the cool American kids are talking (and dressing!) these days:
— Grease
— Clueless
— Bill & Ted’s Excellent Adventure
— The Outsiders
— Wayne’s World
— Brick
— Valley Girl

You’re welcome,

I know people who watch American movies to learn how to speak English. After asking them what they used, they gave me this list:
-Born in East L.A
-Battlefield Earth
-Showgirls (in case you’re a woman)
-And finally, Pootie Tang.

Hope this helps!

Yahoo! User # 17 Asks:
Do you approve if superman has no underwear?
I strongly disapprove

The GreatWhiteDope:
#17: As long as he keeps himself covered and isn’t flying around Metropolis horrifying small children and birds, he can wear Lana Lang’s sleep sweats for all I care.

Do you mean in general or in the upcoming film? In general, I like my Superman to be free of the confines of repressive underwear, mostly because a free Superman is a much more effective Superman. Also, wearing tighty whities (or is it tighty redies?) can really affect Supes’ sperm count, and nothing says kneel before Zod like some straight up whack ass sperm.

As for the underwear free Superman in ‘The Man of Steel’, well, I suppose I’m okay with it. Now, mind you, I am a huge fan of Superman. In fact, Superman is my favorite comic book character, especially when it comes to his television and celluloid incarnations (including ‘Superman Returns’), so I have a lot of fanboy investment with the character. With that said, I’m not normally one to cry foul over every little thing that is changed in a new adaptation of an iconic character, and while it’s a little unnecessary to take away the underwear, I could really care less so long as the character is showcased in a way that I find to be both respectful and enjoyable.

I strongly approve.  I’m pro team commando.  Besides his tights are tight enough to keep his junk intact.  Underwear would seem make him effeminate and he already walks a dangerous line of androgyny.  It’s a good thing his powers kinda rule.

And that’s gonna do it for us! PLEASE if you have a question/problem/bar bet involving movies you’d like for us to solve or answer for you, email them to me at [email protected] and we will settle it here.

Thanks for reading!