What it is LAMBs! Sebastian from Films From the Supermassive Black Hole here, ready to quench your thirst for violence with another edition of Clash of the Lambs. Every week, I pit character against character, and leave it to you to decide the victor. What’s that? You cheer for blood? By jove, you’ll have it!
Apologies for last week. The arena was undergoing some management issues, and I was unable to contact any people that would be willing to fight. Fear not, though. I’ve ironed out all the problems in the administration, and we are back on schedule.
This week, we are going to take a route less travelled in these types of games. Today, I’m throwing two characters into the ring. Neither are incredibly adept at kicking ass. Neither of them can claim to have taken down a horde of henchmen with a machine gun, or blew up a building using an obscene amount of explosives. What these two men can brag about, however, is how they made us tremble in our seats as they revealed their exploits to us. This week will not focus on a alien badass, or a gifted warrior. No, this week, we are going to pit psycho killer against psycho killer.
Fighter 1: Hannibal Lecter
A man with quite appetite, Dr. Hannibal Lecter somehow manages to be terrifying even though we rarely see him off anyone. Under the moniker Hannibal the Cannibal, Dr. Lecter is the worst kind of killer. He’ll kill you, and leave no evidence. How? He eats you! Lovely individual, wouldn’t you say? He’s been known to escape a prison by killing a guard, then wearing his victim’s face to elude everyone else. He is also fond of fava beans and Chianti, which is, you know, a good wine, so, don’t judge him to hard for that.
Fighter 2: John Doe
Quite possibly the most screwed up of all members of the serial killer pantheon, John Doe is, outwardly, not much of a menace. Inwardly, he is one of the most dangerous murderers to stalk the screen. Only killing people who have committed one of the seven deadly sins, this one is practically a ghost, successfully dodging the detectives hunting him down. So devious is he, that when he is captured, his plan is still being put into motion, culminating with one the most disturbing twists in recent memory. John Doe has various methods of killing you. He will force feed you to death, make you cut off your own flesh, tie you to a bed and keep you from moving for a whole year, force someone to have sex with a bladed dildo, or cut off your head and put it in a box. He gives most all other serial killers runs for their money. Hannibal better watch out.
As always, let’s not make this a popularity contest. Sure, Lecter has been around longer, but Doe is significantly better at dispatching people. Doe may have the shock factor on his side, but in no way does he match Lecter for smarts. Think it over. Who would actually win in this fight?
Again, if you have ideas of who you’d like to see in the mix here, don’t be coy little sheep. Sound off in the comments, or send an e-mail to [email protected]. I didn’t get very many suggestions on the last poll. I want more!
Alright, the contestants have taken the ring. They are just standing there, looking at each other. I’m going to assume that they are ready. The crowd is going wild. Let’s make it happen.
3! 2! 1! FIGHT!!!!