LAMB #1200 – TarsTarkas.NET

by Rachel · January 4, 2012 · New LAMB · 3 Comments

Site Name: TarsTarkas.NET
Categories: Reviews, General, News, Humor, Classic Film
Rating: PG-13

What is the main focus of your site?
My sight? How did you know I have psychic powers? Are you psychic too? No, wait, I’ll use my psychic abilities to predict….coming up blank. It’s as if you’re just some sort of internet form and not a real person. Something strange is going on here. I can feel it! Also I’m buying some tickets for the Illinois lottery. I’m feeling lucky. 3-14-22-23-26 lucky, if you know what I mean! Wait, don’t play those numbers, because I’m not splitting the $63 million. It’s all mine, suckers!

What are your blogging goals, personally and/or professionally? In other words, what, if anything, are you trying to get out your blog?
My goals are generally six points, with the option of kicking an extra point (or running a two-point conversion). As for TarsTarkas.NET, we’re in this for the hot chicks and hot dudes who swarm to website owners. Because we got a hole in our basement that needs filling, and these eager and naive groupies are just the thing for a few weeks of fun before they become a new coat.

Do you prefer an interactive community for your blog or are you the teacher and your readers the students?
If anyone tries to say anything, I’ll smack them upside their head in real life. I’ve tracked down dozens of commentors, and it is always a joy to pull up to their house and begin the beatdown. Sure, I’m a fugitive now in 17 states, but most of those states suck anyway.

How long have you been movie blogging for, and how frequent do you post updates to your site?
TarsTarkas.NET was born on a cloudy day in 2004, shot out of its mother’s vagina at speeds great enough to break three fingers of the attending physician when she caught it. Since then, Tarstarkas.NET has feed on a steady diet of B-movies and cult films from around the world, sucking the soul from the celluloid and leaving only burnt out husks. Soon, all cinema will be created just to satisfy TarsTarkas.NET, or the website will turn to devouring human souls…which we haven’t done already and no, I have no idea where Jim is. Stop asking.

Name up to three of your favorite movies (and no more).
A six-minute, 14-second blurry camera movie of a deer in our yard staring at me before running away. I think it’s name is MOV-4526.AVI
This YouTube video I saw of a chipmunk who was being all dramatic and stuff. I think it was called “The Rodent who turns and looks at you”
Alvin and the Chipmunks 2: The Squeakquel

How did you hear about the LAMB?
This guy who waits outside the bus station each morning continually yells “LAAAAMMMBB!! LAAAAAAMMMBB!!!” every day until you give him three quarters (no more, no less) If you give him the right combination of states on the three quarters (I am sworn to secrecy as to which three states are the key!), he will tell you the meaning of life, the location of the Treasure of Rura Madrea, and the website address

Any additional comments, or give yourself an interview question that’s not listed above.
Oh, you’d like that, wouldn’t you? Me leaving additional comments, talking about how movies have enriched my life and things like that. Well, I’ll tell you. I’ll tell you movies haven’t enriched my life as much as robbing banks has! Yep, banks pay hundreds of thousands of dollars once you get inside and it’s only a quick gunfight with the police and you’ve escaped. Then you can buy many movies, or spend it on hookers and blow. Mostly hookers and blow, because they play movies for free on TBS (we hijack cable because we’re jerks!) And I make sure I get the larger share instead of my partner, Eddie. Because Eddie can’t count, he don’t know no better. Let me tell you one other thing-


Screw you, Eddie! How about you eat some hot lead?? ::BLAM BLAM BLAM BLAM!!::


Argh! He got me! That jerk. But I got him as well. As I bleed out here on the carpett, want to lettt you knowwww I am proud 2 bee a LAMBBBBBbbbbb—**.


3 Responses to LAMB #1200 – TarsTarkas.NET

  1. Rachel, Do the LAMMYs give out a special award for the best LAMB application? If so, I think we have a contender!

  2. Rachel says:

    ‘Fraid not. It would be a rather limited field.

  3. Joel Burman says:

    This is one hillarious application!

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