Editor’s note: This is part of a 32-part series dissecting the 85th Academy Awards, brought to you by the Large Association of Movie Blogs and its assorted members. Every day leading up to the Oscars, a new post written by a different LAMB will be published, each covering a different category of the Oscars. To read the other posts regarding this event, please click here. Thank you, and enjoy!

By Jason of Invasion Of The B Movies

So this year for this Oscar Write Up Thingy, I’ve been given the category “Sound Mixing”. What the fuck is sound mixing? I have no idea. It sounds like it involves DJ’s. Is Skrillex nominated in this category?

“Best Sound Mixing goes to….BLOOP BLEEP DOORP BOP!! by Skrillex! Featuring Andre 3000!”

Ah, looking at the categories, I see he is not. So…I’m just as confused as ever. I suppose I COULD look it up but you know there’s a really good story on why I won’t…

Anyway I decided this year I’m TOTALLY gonna watch all the movies in the category I’m writing about so people can FINALLY take me seriously. I mean NOBODY ever in the history of the LAMB has taken me seriously before. It’s time they start god damn it! So here we go!

ARGO:
Ben Affleck IS John Argo! He’s a rogue agent who doesn’t play by the rules! His boss Captain John Goodman yells at him all the time like “DAMMIT ARGO! You got 500 civilians killed! The mayor is jumping up my ass! What you gonna do about it, Argo?!”

“I’m gonna bang this hot chick played by Megan Fox! MEOW!!”

“ARGO!!!!”

Honestly, I’m not sure why a movie like this is nominated for an Oscar, let alone Best Picture. Oh well. This movie sounded good.

LIFE OF PI:
Oh, this was an interesting movie. So it’s the story of how the mathematical number called “Pi” was formed. Pi is played by some Indian kid I never heard of and it’s his adventures on trying to remember ALL of his own numbers.

“I think there’s a 7 in there somewhere. Honestly after the 3.14 part things get a bit hazy. Maybe this tiger that represents geometry will know?”

“RAWR I’m gonna eat you, kid!”

“Nevermind then. I’m PI!!!”

Yeah that’s all I got about that. The sound was good I guess.

LES MISERABLES:
Anne Hathaway is a slut. Then she plays a prostitute in this movie. OH SNAP!

The only thing I knew about this movie before going into it was that Temple of the Dog made a song about this movie back in the ’90s.

Anyway, Wolverine steals some bread and he and Gladiator go to war over it. Borat is there going “VERY NICE!” And…it was all very French. I don’t understand the French people at all. I mean they purposefully smell, eat nothing but bread, and think Jerry Lewis is a good idea. Whatever, Frenchy. The sound was alright.

LINCOLN:
Matthew McConaughey drives around in a old car, being a lawyer or some shit, while being shirtless. Everything is alright, alright, alright but he only has 10 days to prove that Samuel L. Jackson didn’t kill white people or else Leatherface is going to kill the entire town!
KILLER JOE!

The sound was “eh”.

SKYFALL:
OH MY FUCKING GOD THIS MOVIE WAS AWESOME!! Daniel Craig is possibly the best Bond EVER! The girls were hot and the action was cool! OH! That scene where he broke into the one highrise building chasing after some guy, and then that guy killed some other guy at ANOTHER highrise? AWESOME!

The entire final act was neat too, when he and M went to his childhood home in Scotland called SKYFALL. OH and Javiar Bardem was great as the bad guy! Totally ruthless and didn’t give a shit if he came off as gay. Not that there’s anything wrong with that, it was a great approach.

This sound was AMAZING! This is going to win hands down!

Tags: Best Sound Mixing, Invasion of the B Movies, LAMB Devours The Oscars