Trailer Trashing With The Vern: 02/08/2013.

by The Vern · February 8, 2013 · Periodic Features, Trailer Trash, Uncategorized · No Comments


Yes, Yes. I know I am late with posting these trailer trashing articles, and for that I am sorry. I could go into some story of why I am late, but I don’t want to bore you.   So instead let’s get to this week’s  upcoming attractions.  I promise you there are some good ones being released next month.  Enjoy.

Big Ass Spider.  03/08/3013

Spiders. 02/08/2013

This is a question I should ask Jason Soto and the rest of the “Ask The Lamb” staff.  What is the definition of a good bad movie.  How can one tell the difference between a movie that is so bad,it ends up being good.  Versus a movie that is just, well bad.     The two movies featured here have just one thing in common, giant spiders . Yes  huge killing spiders that want to destroy the world.  Yet Mike Mendez the director of “Big Ass Spider” seems to be playing it for laughs.  While Tibor Takacs’ “Spider” is going on a more serious  tone.     I wish that they were both opening the same week.  Just to see who was the bigger box office winner. What says you?



Upside Down.   03/15/2013.

In the trailer of this futuristic love story.  Jim Sturgess’ character says at the end.  “What if love is stronger than gravity”.    I’m really hoping near the end of this, he tests that theory and jumps off a high platform.  Only to discover that his love is not stronger and ends up plummeting to his death.  Yes the visuals of this are impressive and if this was a short film.  I would be praising all of its efforts, but the story looks just god awful.  Even Kirsten Dunst can’t save this one from just appearing to be mediocre.



The Lords of Salem. 04/19/2013

The first trailer of this movie looked really good, and I was about to forgive Mr. Zombie for his Lifetime version of “Halloween“.   The teaser for”The Lords of Salem”  had strange visuals and the fact there was no explanation about the plot just made it that much more scarier.   Now that we have the full length one that explains the story, it ends looking  kind of bland.  Oh Rob tries his best to echo movies like “Suspiria” and “Rosemary’s Baby” but the results end up looking more like someone’s poorly made haunted house.



From Up on Poppy Hill. 03/15/2013

The major problem I have with Studio Ghibli movies is that they never go wide where I live.  I have to go out of my way to catch them at some indie film house. When they should be played at a multiplex.  It’s great that Disney is providing the English translation because they do use talented actors, but they really need to have more skill in their marketing field.    This looks absolutely beautiful and I’m glad that this studio still releases hand drawn animation.    



Fast and the Furious 6.  05/24/2013

I gotta give respect to the makers on this one because at least they removed any sort of logic or reason with these features.  This is a live action animated cartoon and should be watched for strictly enjoyment and nothing else.  There is no way anyone would survive the things that these drivers  do, and the movie never once expects you to belive that they can.  It’s very easy to just dismiss this as just being weak because it just shows one crazy stunt after another mixed in with cliche character developments.  But audiences who go see this are not looking for anything more then just cars and action, and I’m one of those people.  It’s great to have all the original cast members from the series back and I love that they added Gina Carano(“Haywire“) to the mix. 



Dead man Down.  03/08/2013

This revenge thriller reunites director Niels Arden Oplev and Noomi Rapace from “The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo“.   It’s story focuses on two people who are seeking vengeance for two completely different reasons.  I am really impressed with this trailer and I loved the cover version of Pink Floyd’s “Shine on You Crazy Diamond“.   Let’s just hope that this doesn’t get another remake from another well-known film director.

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