Sirens of the LAMBs (Round 2): Sil Vs. The Bride.

by Nick Jobe · April 8, 2008 · Uncategorized · 1 Comment

(Welcome to the second fight of round 2 of Sirens of the LAMBs! Read through the narratives and vote on the winner! And remember to base it on the narratives and not just a bias!)


By Fletch from Blog Cabins.

Previously on Sirens of the LAMBs with Sil, we saw our nubile young “humalien” looking for a good man but coming up empty, turn to her friend Max Walker for some assistance. After travelling back in time to the 1930s, Sil soon found a capable and loving mate, in the person of one Clyde Barrow. After quickly dispatching of his nagging gnat of a girlfriend, Sil soon settled down with Barrow…

Sil. Sil Barrow. It had a nice ring to it, and Clyde had not long ago stolen one as well. However, as time passed, he felt himself losing the urge to rob banks and cause mischief. His love for Sil had borne in him the desire to settle down and raise a family; likewise, having found her man, Sil had left her killing ways behind her. Or so she thought…

Time passed. Sil finally got her wish – some children of her own. They named them the girl Sil Jr. and the boy Frederick. With the money from Clyde’s bank robbing days, they had enough to live the good life, but they wanted as normal an upbringing as they could provide for their one-quarter alien children, so they went the suburban route, getting a modest house with a picket fence. The perfect nuclear family.

More time passed. Clyde grew grey and old, but Sil and the kids, after their initial alien-induced rapid-aging (they sprout from newborn to teenager in less than five human years), weren’t showing the signs of age like the rest of the community. They started to show themselves less and less. Decades came and went. Clyde lived into his 80s, but died in 1994. It was around this time that Sil realized that her old “friends” that hunted her when she lived through this the first time around would soon become aware of her existence. Being proactive, and with the kids off at college (the slowed aging, remember?), she took it upon herself to hunt them down before they even knew of the younger version of herself came into being. Off she went, tracking them down one by one. Xavier Fitch – dead. Dr. Arden – adios. Dr. Baker – sayonara. Preston Lennox (pictured at left) – later. Only…

Little did she know, haste not only made waste for Sil, but something much, much worse. In the rush to off every one of her potential captors before they knew of her, Sil didn’t take much time to deliberate before offing the next victim. As is turned out, it wasn’t Preston Lennox that she had killed, but a skuzzbucket by the name of Budd (pictured at right). Budd, also known as Sidewinder, just happened to be the brother of a man named Bill, who was the leader of the Deadly Viper Assasination Squad (DVAS). When word came to Bill about his brother’s death, he vowed vengeance of his killer (a witness to the murder gave up Sil), and he acted swiftly, sending the DVAS after Sil and her family. With the Barrows unaware of this turn of events, Frederick and Sil Jr. became innocent victims in the game of death, each stabbed by death by members of the DVAS.

Sil had now lost any motivation she had at targeting the team of scientists and doctors who might soon be after her. With her beloved 1/4-alien children now gone, and never able to bring 1/8-alien children into the world, Sil had a new raison d’etre: Kill Everyone Associated With Bill.

And that she did, including some bitch name Beatrix Kiddo.


By Jason from Invasion of the B Movies.

The Bride was walking into her apartment that she shares with her new boyfriend Eric. It was night, and the apartment was pitch black. Beatrix found this odd, since she saw Eric’s car parked outside. She turned on the living room lights and saw no one there.

“Eric,” Beatrix called out.

She closed the door and looks around the apartment before hearing a noise in the bedroom. Beatrix smiles, thinking Eric is waiting for her as she heads to the bedroom. Then she hears something she didn’t expect to hear: a woman’s voice. Beatrix stops in her tracks, unsure if she did hear what she heard. But no, she hears it again.

He knows better then to fuck around on me, Beatrix thought to herself. Just in case, she went back to the living room and grabbed her Hattori Hanzo that she proudly displays on the wall. She unsheathes it and holds it upright while walking towards the bedroom.

She reaches the door and she pushes it in just a little to see what’s going on. Standing near the bed she sees the back of Eric’s head kissing what looks like a blond woman, who is naked. Eric is almost undressed himself.

“That son of a-”

Before Beatrix can finish her thought, blood comes pouring out of the back of Eric’s head and what appears to be a tongue pops out. The naked blonde chick then lets go of Eric, who falls to the floor, dead. With Eric out of the way, Beatrix can finally see the blonde chick, and she’s got an amazingly long tongue. What is that about…

No time to think about it, she just killed Eric! Beatrix barges into the room, about to strike with her sword, but the blonde woman dives out of the way and Beatrix ends up cutting the bed apart. The blonde woman then does a behind kick, knocking Beatrix over the bed, which now collapses.

The blonde woman looks down at Beatrix.

“You must be the girlfriend,” she says.

“Yes. Who might you be?”

“My name is Sil. I needed your boyfriend to mate with me, but he didn’t turn out to be what I was looking for after all.”

“So you killed him?” Beatrix asked with anger in her voice.

“Yes. Judging by the way he kissed, I did you a favor.”


Beatrix kicked Sil right in the stomach and she went flying back 50 feet into the wall, knocking down several pictures, some of Beatrix and Eric. Beatrix jumps back to her feet and she grabs her sword. With the sword pointed forward, she runs towards Sil, but Sil jumps up to avoid being pierced. What Sil didn’t count on though, was the dropped ceiling Beatrix and Eric had put in 5 months ago, so her head went through it, making her stuck.

“You bitch! We had a hard time choosing that ceiling!” Beatrix bellowed.

Sil wiggled around and Beatrix saw her feet dangling, so she tickled them, making Sil laugh. Then Sil kicked Beatrix in the face. This stunned Beatrix but only for a moment. Then without hesitation, she chopped off Sil’s feet with the sword.

Sil gave an unearthly scream and Beatrix pulled Sil down from the ceiling where she collapsed in a heap. Beatrix then tries to cut Sil into other parts but Sil keeps rolling around the floor. Then Sil did a hand stand (Remember fellas, she’s naked) and put her bloody leg stump in Beatrix’s mouth.

Beatrix starts choking on blood, dropping her sword. Sil then tries to make a grab for it, but loses her balance so she falls down. Beatrix spits out the blood in her mouth as Sil gets on her knees. Beatrix kicks hers some more, causing her to keep falling to the ground.

After a few kicks, Sil finally jumps up and wraps her legs around Beatrix’s waist. Sil puts her face close to Beatrix, with her lips about 4 inches or so near Sil’s lips, as Sil opens her mouth. The tongue is about to come out and before it can make it’s way into Beatrix’s mouth, Beatrix with lighting reflexes grabs it and with all her might pulls.

Sil is surprised by these turn of events as Beatrix yanks out her tongue. And god damn what a long ass tongue it is. This thing must go down to her feet or something. Finally, she pulls out her entire tongue and Sil falls to the floor. She’s gasping and clawing at her mouth. Beatrix stands over her.

“What’s wrong? Bride got your tongue?”


“I’m sorry, I don’t understand. Here, let me give this back to you.”

Beatrix rolls up her tongue into a big ball and, with great strength, shoves Sil’s tongue back into her mouth, which gets caught in her throat. Sil gasps for breath.

“It appears to be stuck. Let me help,” Beatrix said, grabbing for her sword. She then jabs her sword down into Sil’s mouth, not only causing her tongue to go down deeper, but causing the sword to come back out the back of her neck. With this final act, Sil lays still. Beatrix takes a step back and sits on the bed, which falls apart from being cut in half.

“Fuck. Eric picked this bed too.”

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One Response to Sirens of the LAMBs (Round 2): Sil Vs. The Bride.

  1. NFL Adam says:

    I had to go with Sil here.

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