(Welcome to the third match of the first round of The LAMB Action Hero! Here you will read two different essays, both describing why one action hero would be a good roommate while their opponent’s would be a bad roommate. At the bottom of the post will be a place to vote. Please vote as unbiased as possible, basing it on the essays. Vote for whoever you think would be the better roommate. You have three days to vote. Now let’s enjoy!)
Update: Voting has now ended for this match.
Well, if this isn’t the most lopsided matching I could possibly think of. Of course you’d rather have Iron Man as your roommate – let me tell you why:
Let’s just suppose that you’re living with both of these guys right now in a three bedroom apartment (perhaps you’re Batman, going through some tough financial times, and what better than to shack up with a couple other bachelors?). You come home from a hard day’s work at Wayne Enterprises, only to find yourself stepping into a large pile of heaping dung just inside the front door. Luckily, your pal Tony has a fancy computerized pooper scooper that cleans your shoe immediately.
Fresh from that incident, you head for your bedroom to change into your evening wear. You open the door – awww, what the hell?!? — Undermutt’s in your bed with not one, not two, but three bitches – all of them shedding as if you were taking them to vet, and there’s more drool on top of your waterbed than water in it. You kick them out, throw your sheets into the Bat Washer, and get changed. You were to hit the bars with the boys tonight, but with Casanova and his three amigas, it’ll just be you and Tony.
And thank the heavens for that. You hate going out with Underdog. He’s marking his territory what seems like every two minutes, and he chases your limo after you’ve gotten out of it. Not something that the ladies like. On the other hand, there’s Tony – suave, good looking, a fun guy to be around – and the women couldn’t agree more. It will be success for you and the man of Iron tonight.
That is, unless you get home to find that Mr. Dog has chewed up the kitchen table…again.
By Joe from Intermission At Work.
Why Underdog is better than Tony Stark/Iron Man?
First off, he’s a dog… what better roommate is there than man’s best friend? Underdog can always be counted upon for fun and Frisbee. Tony Stark? Well, he’ll steal your women and break all your toys with his experiments. Not to mention the fact that he’ll probably end up kicking you out of the room since he’s used to have a huge room… and not sharing.
Shoeshine boy is hardworking… and my shoes could use a shining! He’s dependable… and cheaper! I’m sure that Underdog super vitamin pills are cheaper than a suit of armor. I wouldn’t want my roommate taking all his time shining that suit of armor. At least Underdog works in his spare time instead of spending all of his time womanizing. Like I said before, I wouldn’t want my roommate stealing my girl. Add to that, Underdog is a dog. Women love dogs, especially cute dogs like Underdog. He’ll be much more helpful in helping with the women.
Finally, with Underdog as my roommate, I could take both beds and make them into one, because he would either be sharing the foot of my bed or be sleeping on the floor. He won’t mess up the bathroom at all, and won’t get into as much trouble as Tony Stark. Seriously though… who wouldn’t want a dog as a roommate?