The board is set! The pieces is moving! Let there be blood!!!

What it is LAMBS!!! Sebastian from Films From the Supermassive Black Hole here, ready to satiate your bloodlust with another edition of Clash of the Lambs. Every week, I pit character against character and leave it to you to decide the victor! What’s that? You cheer for blood? By jove, you’ll have it!

For those who missed it, a recap of last week’s fight! The topic was Ridley Scott and swords! I pit Maximus against Balian against Robin Hood. To call it a landslide victory would be be an insult to landslide victories. The fight began, and it was immediately clear who the victor would be. Both Maximus and Balian went for Robin Hood first, as his archery would prove to be a distraction in the fight. The merry man went down extremely quickly, falling before Maximus’ and Balian’s swords. The two remaining contestants then turned on each other. Balian, with his longer sword, had something of an advantage, but Maximus was too talented of a warrior. He got up close, where Balian’s sword was useless, and easily dispatched the crusader! Maximus emerged victorious, with only a small scratch to say that he fought anyone at all.

The Results
Maximus Decimus Meridius: 30 votes (So much for a not popularity contest :-p)
Balian of Ibelin: 1 vote (Way to be, whoever you are)
Robin Hood: 0 votes (How very unmerry!)

This week, we’re taking a trip into modern and future times. All the contestants have one thing in common. They are all famous for killing a whole bunch of really mean aliens. Whether they killed an intergalactic hunter, a parasitic monster, or an entire, locust-like civilization, these guys bring a whole new meaning to alien genocide!

Fighter 1: Dutch (Predator)

Ok, he only killed one alien, but it was quite possibly the most tenacious alien in the history of ever! An alien that can shoot plasma beams, has vicious wrist blades, a wicked quarter staff, can turn invisible, and  will turn itself into a nuclear bomb when it is defeated? That is not something you want to cross! That memo was never delivered to Dutch, who goes all medieval on the alien’s ass, made doubly impressive that he beats it using primitive things, like stealth, bows and arrows, and strategically placed traps. The big hurrah, though? He finishes off the beast, not with his fists, or a knife, or something like that. No, he kills it with a tree. A TREE! This guy’s a G! Dutch’s advantage over the competition is his ability to improvise and adapt to the environment, eventually utilizing his surroundings to kill his opponents! He’s gonna put up one tough fight!

Fighter 2: Ellen Ripley (The Alien Series)

Ellen Ripley inhabits a nightmare! She has had the absurd misfortune of having to face off against the alien on more than one occasion! These experiences have turned a lowly Warrant Officer into the epitome of feminine badassery! She has been known to mow down countless xenomorphs, torch their eggs, and then go mano a mano with the queen in a power loader! Ripley’s advantage over the competition stems from her hardened, no nonsense personality. She is calculating and brutal. She will straight up kill you, no bullshit, and then move on to her next victim without so much as a one liner! Well, that, and she has the equivalent of a mech suit! That’s gonna be hard to beat!

Fighter 3: Capt. Steven Hiller (Independence Day)

Though a jokester and straight up playa on the outside, Steven Hiller is, in reality, a resourceful and gifted killer when it comes to dispatching off worlders! The only one of his squad to bring down an alien fighter, he then learned how to pilot an alien craft and flew it up to the mothership. He then, with the help of his trusty sidekick David, made it possible for the resistance on Earth to deal a killing blow to the invading destroyers. After this, he dropped a nuke and obliterated an entire alien civilization! Hiller is not as gifted a fighter on the ground as Ripley or Dutch, which is why he’s going to stay in the air, blowing the competition out of the water with his skills as a pilot! He’s also just plain cool! Sometimes, cool can win battles!

Same as last time, let’s not make it a popularity contest. Think over it in as critical a manner as you can. Ripley may be the favorite character, but can a pulse rifle destroy an aircraft, or hit someone who is striking from the shadows. Dutch may be a badass, but stealth and traps can only go so far. Hiller is a cool cat, but his cockiness may get the better of him. Be honest. Who would actually win?

As always, if you have ideas for future conflicts, don’t be coy little sheep. Sound off in the comment section or send an e-mail to [email protected].

Well, I think the fighters are about ready to go! The crowd is going wild. Let’s make it happen!

3! 2! 1! FIGHT!!!!

Tags: Aliens, Clash of the Lambs, Independence Day, Predator