Sirens of the LAMBs: Baby Firefly vs. Princess Nausicaä.

by Nick Jobe · March 29, 2008 · Uncategorized · 1 Comment

(Like with Kyra, the author of one of these has dropped out. As such, just the one will be posted and will automatically go through to the next round, so no voting will take place. Also, there is just one more left after this for the first round, and the same thing has occured, so that one will be posted tomorrow and will also automatically go through to round two. Speaking of, Round 1 results and Round 2 match-ups will be posted on Sunday. Here’s to the beginning of the end for Round 1! Finally, voting for the previous entries has now ended.)


By Wayward Jam from Reel Whore.

Princess Nausicaä of the Valley of the Wind and her companion Teto were crossing the plains, battling the blustery winds of an approaching storm when she glimpses a figure amid the clouds of dust. As Nausicaä approaches she notices the figure to be a woman with long hair the color of the sands swirling around her and a defiant swagger in her hips that taunts the very forces of nature. Drawing within earshot, Nausicaä calls out, “Hello there, do you need a lift?”

The figure turns, her eyes sparkling and a twangy accent from behind her wide grin replies, “You betcha! You offerin’ to whisk me home on those spanky wings of yours?”

“No one needs to be out in this weather. By the way, I’m Princess Nausicaä.”

“They call me Baby ‘cause I’m the baby of the Firefly clan. I live just off the road ahead.” Baby takes Nausicaä’s hand and climbs onto the glider.

The pair arrive at the dilapidated Firefly home just as the clouds explode into torrents of rain. Once inside, Baby squeals. “What is that adorable creature!” pointing to Teto. Nausicaä explains that Teto is her fox squirrel as the spirited creature slings rain drops onto the two girls.

“Ooh let me take him to the kitchen to dry off and enjoy some milk. Get comfy darlin’.” Snatching the feisty Teto from Nausicaä’s shoulder, Baby hustles away.

Nausicaä ambles through the cluttered home. She begins to notice there are a large number of hides, skulls, and bones decorating the walls, and some hides and bones aren’t from any animal with which she’s familiar. A nasty rotten smell makes her nearly don her gas mask. As a sense of apprehension falls over her, she realizes Baby has been gone a while. She heads toward the kitchen and Baby bursts through the door, now dressed in a cheerleader outfit, grinning widely. “Impatient little girl arencha? You should sit down ‘cause you don’t look so good Nausea-ica.” Proud of her joke, Baby twirls around and lets out a girlish giggle that gives the Princess a chill.

“I really think I should be going. We don’t want to overstay my welcome. Where is Teto?”

“Come on, stay! You gotta meet Otis; he fancies redheads!” With a wink, Baby motions for Nausicaä to follow her.

Nausicaä, turning instead toward the kitchen, calls out, “Come, Teto.”

Baby spins in mid step, and her inviting face draws dark and menacing. “Teto can’t hear you.”

Nausicaä looks puzzled as Baby’s once pleasant smile curls into a twisted sneer. “He can’t hear you ‘cause I turned that lil patch of fuzz into a pair of squirrel covers!” Baby lifts her skirt with a can-can shimmy to reveal the blood-stained hide of Teto draped around her.

Horrified, Nausicaä stares as Baby giggles girlishly and continues her fashion show. In the blink of an eye, Nausicaä is upon Baby. A furious fist to the face silences Baby’s laugh, who is then doubled over by a knee to the gut. Spinning around, Nausicaä’s elbow catches Baby in the temple, sending her flying into a pile of broken furniture.

Baby tastes the blood from the corner of her lip, a look of erotic excitement spreads across her face. “Ooooh, the lil princess likes to play rough.” Baby lifts herself by a broken chair, and then hurls the chair.

Nausicaä springs into a somersault to avoid the projectile only to be yanked from her landing as Baby grabs a handful of her hair.

“You’re a naughty girl, arencha?” Baby taunts as she slaps Nausicaa’s cheeks with her free hand.

Nausicaä twists, tearing Baby’s clenched hand away, along with a tuft of hair, and sends the savage cheerleader slamming into a nearby wall, headfirst.

“Aaaaggghhhhh!” the blood curdling scream erupts from Baby as blood flows from her scalp into her face. She staggers forward, enraged.

“I do not wish for any more death,” pleads Nausicaä, yet Baby shows no sign of yielding. “What kind of monster are you?!” Baby is within arm’s length and she lunges.

Tttsssing! Nausicaä’s blade sings as she dances around the crazed woman. Bruises and blood now cover Baby’s body as Nausicaä’s knife, fist, and feet strike with uncanny accuracy. Baby collapses to her knees. She begins to laugh from behind coughs of blood.

“How can you find this torment funny?”

“’Cause big brother’s come to play.” She raises a shaky finger just over Nausicaä’s shoulder.

Nausicaä turns to see a tall, gaunt man leering at her from beneath a cap. The makeshift helmet is made from the scraped hull of a baby ohmu, a creature of the Poison Jungle.

“Not a baby ohmu,” she whimpers before Otis, with what looks to be a human femur, catches her in the shoulder, loosening her grip on the knife. Nausicaä staggers backward from the blow.

Baby pushes past the dazed Nausicaä, slamming both fists into Otis’s chest. “Damnit, it’s my turn to play! You’ve gutted the last two, you pig. I’ll let you watch, but only if you promise to be good.” Otis nods. Baby steps backward, a surprising sway in her hips despite her battered condition.

Nausicaä mutters, “How can you speak of death so… so casually?”

Turning to face her with mock innocence, Baby leans toward Nausicaä’s ear and shrieks, “Stop. Your. Bleeding. Heart. Bitch!” With every word spoken, Nausicaä feels the cold blade of her own knife thrusted between her ribs. “That is if you can!” Baby squawks as she pushes Nausicaä away.

Nausicaä strains all her senses to find a glimmer of hope, but her sight, smell, and taste are drowned in blood. She feels her body being dragged down rough stairs. The last sound that reaches Princess Nausicaä’s ears besides her heart’s final beat is that eerily girlish giggle.

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